Passing It On

Recently I changed the screensaver settings on our computer to filter through all our family pictures (I am sure many of you have done this). What I didn't expect was it to draw such a audience from my children (along with myself and my husband). I have had to "encourage" my children numerous times throughout the day to continue with their chores and not stand around the computer. I almost changed the setting back because I was getting tired of all the "encouraging" I was having to do in that area. 

While studying Exodus 35-40 this week I was struck by how important it is to remember the past. How important it is to reflect on where God has brought His people. The Israelites had been saved from hundreds of years of slavery. They had encountered miracles that many of us won't see in our lifetime, been lead by amazing God-fearing leaders, provided for through incredible means, forgiven for turning their backs on the very God who lovingly supplied all of these things, and worked diligently on building a Tabernacle planned out by God. 

After asking God to forgive them and go with them to the promise land, they got to work building the Tabernacle and finished it right before they celebrated the feast of the Passover. It had been an entire year since they were delivered out of Egypt. Can you imagine as they celebrated this feast the overwhelming feelings they had? Gratefulness? Humility? They had been slaves a year earlier. They had seen/gone through the 10 plagues. Their 1st born children were spared death. They had the waters part before them while escaping the Egyptians. Mana and water had miraculously and sufficiently been provided. Moses had been appointed leader. They had been forgiven for worshiping an idol. Had asked for forgiveness. Spent many hours working on building a Tabernacle for God. And sooo much more. Overwhelming just to think of the emotions facing them as they finished this tent and prepared for Passover. 

As my children, husband and I have paused the last week to look through the pictures of our past we have laughed and cried at all the Lord has miraculously done, what He has delivered us from, what we have worked to build, and what He has provided our family. I am SOOO humbled. I am SOOO grateful. Words cannot describe the thankfulness I have toward all that God has done and the people He has brought into our lives. 

As I pause to look back at another year (or 5, or 10, or 15) I pray that my feelings of gratefulness become deeper as I realize how God has directed us through each twist, turn, and event.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 ESV)

Whatever You're Going Through...You ARE Wonder Woman

Warning: I am NOT an eloquent writer, I just have thoughts (and many times they end up in parenthesis...sorry) that hopefully encourage you (or maybe make you shake your head and say "who gave that women a computer and how does she have any idea how to create a blog"). OK, I got that out.

 

"Wow...you are wonder woman."

That is the line I hear the most frequently these days (when I make it out of my house). After having the twins (I also have a 5 and 3 year old) and my husband leaving to work out of town during the weekdays, I welcomed ANY and ALL of these comments I could get. It fueled my fire, made me feel like no one else could do this...made me feel like I was something else.

 

UNTIL...one day I heard it and wanted to bawl. I wanted to shake the person that said it and tell them "I DON 'T want to be wonder woman and you probably don't REALLY want to either". I wanted to switch places with the person (after I ran them over with the double stroller they just called a limo), because after all their life had to be easier in some way than mine. I didn't want to do it all, stay strong, feed another baby, take on all the discipline with my preschoolers, and try to feed myself (ok, who's kidding...I keep myself fed on stress foods).

Have you ever heard the line "God won't give you more than you can handle"? That line is NOT found anywhere associated with the Bible. There are some major flaws in that theology (#1: that God gives us bad stuff...we could go round and round on that all day; #2: He doesn't want us to experience just enough to make us comfortable and then stop). God wants us to come to Him. God wants us to fully depend on Him and rely on Him for all of our needs. 

I don't want to be Wonder Woman. I don't have to be Wonder Woman. I don't have to puff up when I hear people say "wow, better you than me" or "I certainly couldn't handle having my husband gone weekly". I don't want to rely on what I can handle or what is perceived of me to be able to handle.

I want to know that whatever I am going through, whether a blessing that's hard (these babies of mine ARE amazing blessings) or a trial that is unbearable, I can count on someone greater than me to help me. Someone greater than me to supply what I need. Someone greater than me who is present with me. Someone who is also hurting, struggling, and kneeling with me desiring to give me His help. 

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen."

 (Philippians 4:11-13, 19-20 ESV

My 3 and 4 (at the time) year old, meeting the twins.

The Journey

Whew...a breath: a couple minutes of "free time" after the children are down for the night, a glimpse of what God is teaching me, a reflection of my beautiful, blessed life. That is a breath to me.

 

It has been literally a long time since I have blogged. During that time I was thinking blogging was a waste of time, it was something I had to "keep up on", and that I wasn't a very articulate writer. I look back now and wish I had taken a few minutes here and there to log the happenings of my family, the emotional highs, the shocking surprises, the hard-depend-on-God lows, the days I have struggled to get through, the tears, the BLESSINGS in giggles and kisses...oh, what a special ride my life has taken. I hope to pour out God's wisdom on these pages, the depth of what He has shown me. I hope to be honest, not just for an audience, but so that I can look back to realize just what my amazing Savior has brought me through and where He has brought me to. I find the more I share my tears, struggles, fears, blessings, joys, trials, and the triumphs, the more I can encourage others down the path they are wlaking in life.

 

Wow, seriously, I cannot think back over the last 2-3 years of my life and not be blown away with where God has brought me and my "little" (more on this later) family. I pray the words on these pages will somehow encourage others. Will encourage me as I look back. Will encourage and lead my precious children.

 

I guess this is a welcoming back of sorts. A commitment to myself to show my family their "heritage".

 

 

Making Progress Around Here

As I was walking through the isles of the grocery store today, I almost had to stop and do a little victory dance for myself. I quickly realized that I live in a small town and someone I know would be watching, so I decided to celebrate with you guys instead

*Insert victory dance here*

So, you might be wondering why exactly a victory dance was necessary. Well as I looked down at my shopping cart this afternoon, the progress I have made over the course of the last 6 months was overwhelming and I was so proud of how far I have come. Before having kids (and if I am going to be honest...even after) my grocery cart consisted of, well, anything fully processed and absolutely terrible for you. Mac n' Cheese, Top Ramen (for the hubs), cereal (and not the good kind, folks), chips, candy, you name it...it was in my cart. Me, my body, and my husband were doing just fine (or should I say we thought we were doing fine) with it and functioned pretty well; UNTIL the combination of pregnancy and hitting 30 were involved in the equation.

To some of you, it might be pretty disgusting that we would live that way, and to you, I admire the fact that you choose differently. It was/and still is a bit harder for me and my husband. I have analyzed and pondered over the "reasons why" for countless hours, but that's another post for another day (or maybe for a counseling session).

Anywhoo, I put my foot down (pretty lightly) in October and started working out 3-4 days a week for 30 minutes a day. I kept telling myself and others that I didn't want to "diet" because I wanted to make a lifestyle change. I think that was initially an excuse for me to continue to eat the same and hope that exercising minimally would do the trick. Well, month by month went by and I wasn't able to see much progress. I would evaluate myself at the end of each month and make changes to my eating and exercise habits. I started working out more, cutting out treats, eliminating colored drinks, and working out more (I know I already said that). I am now to the point of celebrating a couple different paths of progress!!!! By no means have I hit my goals or do I eat everything I should all the time. However, I am adamantly writing down everything I put into my body, working out 6-7 days a week for 60-90 minutes at a time, AND my grocery cart is full of fruits, veggies, flour, eggs, etc. I am passing up complete isles in the grocery store without a second thought (they would be the ice-cream isle and the snacks/chips isle). I am walking by the candy bars in the check out line thinking "yuk, I worked out so hard today and eating 2 of those things would cancel out everything I have accomplished". Seriously, friends, I almost started crying today at the grocery store when I realized the things I was thinking to myself, how much work I have been putting in, and the choices I have been making. This is a huge accomplishment for me and nothing celebrated it better than a victory dance.

I am soooo excited for where I have come and where my family and I are going. I feel better about myself (granted I have a LONG way to go) and my body feels better about itself (if that's possible). Yay for progress!!!!

Thanks for letting me celebrate!
*More victory dances here*

Don't Welcome Me Back Just Yet

At the begining of 2011, I wrote down some GOALS I have for myself for the next year. I haven't taken much of a look at them over the past  month so I thought I would share them here.

January-February:

1. Set Up a Family, Weekly Meal Plan: tried it one week, need to tweak a few things to make it work for our family, but going ok
2. Sew & Sell Sewn Items on Etsy: haven't sewn much yet, I have to get to work
3. Make an Apron for My Grandmother in IL: need to get to work sewing again :o)

March-April

1. Take a Photography Class: scheduled for March 5th...i'm excited!!!
2. Attend a Marriage Conference (not by myself...that would be wierd): conference scheduled for Dan and I March 11-13th.
3. Go on a Girls Get-A-Way Weekend: in the works.
4. Take a Cooking Class: found one in Salem, just need to schedule/pay for it.
5. Sew More Aprons: this sewing stuff has obviously been my one downfall.

May-August

1. Take a Theology/Biblical Studies Type Class
2. Try EVERYTHING on My Crafty List: this is going to be a big task.
3. Catch Up on Scrapbooking: going to a scrapcamp in May.

General Life Goals:

1. Loose Weight by Exersicing 4-6 Days a Week: been on a roll since October on this goal.
2. DON'T WANT, Be Content With What I Have
3. Go to Church Weekly: this can be hard with 2 young children...but I want to try harder.
4. Go on a Date Night with My Husband Once a MONTH: we have tried the weekly thing and it just doesn't seem to work (and gets expensive with kids/babysitters), so we are going all out ONE night a month.
5. Work Harder on My Marriage and Relationship with My Hubbs: Try to spend one night a week focusing on just us (watching a movie, playing a game, doing something silly, etc.). Don't get into fights as easily. PRAY for him. Be positive and encouraging.
6. Search for Fellowship & Community: through back yard BBQ's, church communities, friends going deeper...whatever it takes and where the Lord leads.
7. Write 25 Messages/Lessons About What I Learn: goal is to post them here.
8. Be Passionate Daily
9. Praise Often: thank the Lord for EVERYTHING He is.
10. Pray MORE: never cease praying...when I think about it...I want to pray about it.
11. Recognize People's Lives and Important Events
12. Be More of a Friend/Giver, Without Expectation
13. Be Honest and Open: will be attempting to do this here.

I hope by me writing down these goals of mine...it inspires you to write your own down and do everything you can to stick to them. God Bless you on your journey.

Teaching Children How to Pray

Every year we get so many picture greeting cards from friends and family. Last year a good friend gave me an idea on how to use these pictures all year. So, we began this tradition last year and are excited to keep it going in our house. Marissa gets to keep the photos in her bedroom by her bedtime Bible. Before going to bed she chooses one family to pray for and this has quickly become a MUST in her nighttime routine. She LOVES doing this and always asks us the names of the people in the pictures. I enjoy watching her learn the names and most of all learn to pray for the people we love. She not only gets to add a face to their name, she gets to pray for them on a regular basis. So, if you are wondering what to do with all those pictures...here is a great suggestion I am passing on to you and your family.

Marissa learning to pray for her friends and family.

Learning the names of her friends and family.

Mother of Two

I LOVE having 2 children (even though it has only been 3 1/2 weeks). It is definitely different, esspecially with an 18 month old that has started exploring and becoming more independant. I have said that it is more like a job with 2, where with one child it was like I had a little "buddy" tagging along with me (don't get me wrong it is still ALOT of work, it was more mentally challenging for me).

I hope and pray that I will be the best mom to both Spencer and Marissa as they grow up and explore life together. I pray that they realize that I love them both equally, but each in their own special way. I pray that I will be patient and loving while disciplining and teaching them to be respectful and loving to others. I pray that they will grow up knowing that their mom and dad desire them to know Jesus and live their lives for Him.

Since we had Spencer, I haven't been able to spend much quality time with Marissa. I desire and hope that she feels like she is still special to us. I have grown to love my little girl even more than I could have imagined the day she was born. Now this doesn't mean I don't love Spencer just as much, I have just realized how much Marissa has grown and how much I don't want her to get any bigger. I LOVE her little laugh, dimpled smile, quirky attitude, courage to try anything, caution to be careful trying anything, love for cleaning, dancing, animals, people, her brother, and the way she cuddles before bedtime (I could go on and on and on). We have such a great time together...she is such a unique, loving, crazy, funny little girl. I LOVE YOU MARISSA JOY!!!

Being a Mom

Ok, I am not normally the type to get emotional around anyone but close friends or family (unless it is something I am super passionate about...like teenage souls), but the Lord spoke to me tonight, so here it goes:

I am going to be honest here (that is one of Dan's least favorite sayings...he says "why don't you just be honest, why do you have to say your being honest"), being a mom hasn't been the easiest for me. My daughter just turned one and some of you might be thinking "wow, she's had a year to get accustomed to being a mom". Well this last year has been quite the adjustment in my life. I grew up LOVING kids of all ages. I was the one that said that all I wanted to be was a mother...nothing else. I married a man who couldn't wait to have children and more than anything wanted me to be able to stay home and raise them. Having Marissa was one of the greatest moments. I wouldn't say that things changed or that I expected it to be different. I feel like I have just been trying to find my place, find "stuff" to do, fill my time, find others that feel the same way, find encouragement or a deep friendship, find a place to serve, or find something that might confirm that this is what the Lord has called me to do. Tonight, as I couldn't get to sleep, I picked up a book (one my mom gave me that I just brushed off at first) and found this plea that helped me realize what it takes to be a mother and that I am not alone.

"Please, roll up your mothering sleeves and dive in. Give being a mom your heart, your all, your best, your time, your blood, sweat, and tears...and above all, your prayers! Learn all you can. Do all you can. Hang in there. Don't get discouraged. Don't even think about giving up. And pray always!

God has entrusted you with a new generation. And He's also given you all of the grace and strength and power and wisdom and love you will need for ever step and second along the way. Believe it and own it. Never forget--you are a mom after God's own heart. For this you were born." -Elizabeth George, A Mom After God's Own Heart

I read this and felt as if she knew that I can't do it and am confused. She knew that I desire to be the best at what God has called me to do but don't know how. She knew that sometimes I just want to focus my time and attention on other things to distract from the fact that I don't think I can be a good mom. She knew that all I need to do is pray...not just for me, but for my children. She knew that God made me for this moment and has given me what I need for it. Maybe you won't get the same thing out of these two paragraphs that I did, but I hope that they encourage you in some way where you are now, especially if you are a mom.

More Than Just Naps and Laundry

The Birthday Girl

I am excited to put together a fun party for Marissa. I have already thought about ideas and gone shopping for decorations (about a month ago I started looking). Tara gave me the idea to do brown and pink polka dots and I am so glad that she did, because it is going to be fun to decorate. I have already found and ordered some cute stuff online and my sister and I are going shopping next week for more decorations. I found the perfect brown and pink head bow and onesie (shown in the invitation picture) for her to wear. I can't wait to celebrate Marissa's first year of life...it only happens once.

Getting a "bottom shot". How cute is that?

So What's Actually Been Going On?

Well, the last few weeks I have been feeling SO tired (you think that would have been a hint that I was pregnant), and have not been doing much but sleeping when Marissa sleeps and relaxing when Marissa is awake. I have been pushing myself each day to walk with my mom, so that takes up 1/2 of my day's energy. My husband has been amazing and doing all the laundry, but unfortunately that is where he stops. I am then left folding and putting away clothes. I don't like folding and putting away laundry anyways, but especially when I am feeling so tired. I feel guilty because in our upper den area there is folded laundry everywhere, waiting for me to put it into our closets. So, if my blog hasn't been that exciting over the course of the last few weeks...it's because my life hasn't either...sleeping, folding laundry, and watching Marissa play.

Swimming Lessons

After hearing from a friend that the YMCA in Silverton was starting a new round of swimming lessons, I decided to sign Marissa and I up. We began this week on Tuesday morning. I normally go to BSF and leave Marissa with my mom, but this week she was out at the beach. So, I decide if I couldn't go to BSF, I was going to take Marissa to her first swimming lessons. We got there way to early, so Marissa was very antsy by the time it actually got to her lessons. She was very excited for the water at first, but once the swimming instructor took her, it became a different story. Now Marissa is normally a pretty independent girl. Not this time...all she wanted was to lay on her mothers shoulder. I actually felt needed by her for the first time in a while. After swimming for 20 minutes (she was getting pretty cold, so we got out 10 minutes early), taking a warm shower, getting bundled up, and going back home, Marissa took a 3 hour 45 minute nap (I did too :). WOW, that must have taken a lot of energy to go swimming.

On Thursday, we went to our second swimming lesson, and did much better. She was still a little scared at first, but eventually warmed up to the teacher and ventured off mom's hip. Dan was able to stop by for a few minutes to watch and Marissa warmed up quite a bit once he got there. It is amazing what dad's can do. Looking forward to next Thursday to see what she will be willing to do.

Marissa blowing the camera "kisses" in her new bathing suit and cover up.

Bible Study...Soon to Turn "Spiritual Play-Date"

I am really excited about the opportunity that I have had to meet with a couple of girls, that I previously taught with at Butte Creek (and two others), on Wednesday mornings to do a Bible study. Two of the gals have babies (one 4 months old and the other 6 months old, then Marissa) and the other two are pregnant (one is due in June and the other late August). With the addition of my pregnancy (in September) we were laughing on Wednesday about what our Bible Studies are going to look like next fall. With 6 children, 3 newborns and 3 walkers, we can't wait to figure out how we are going to "study" the Bible. We all decided it was going to be more like a "spiritual play-date". I am looking forward to Marissa playing with the other children and hearing their moms (and her mom) talk about the Lord....what could be better?

What It Means To Me To Be A Mom Full Time

On Friday night, the three (four including baby #2) of us ventured out to our second basketball game this year (sad to say, it was only our second). I always enjoy watching my old Young Life girls play and I am always up for talking "coaching strategy" with those interested around me. Dan was able to take Marissa up to the mezzanine to run around during the second 1/2 of the game. Unfortunately the girls lost, so afterward they were a little upset.

While I was waiting for the girls to come back from their "post-game meeting", I ran into some people that I only see occasionally. The question came up of whether I was back to teaching or not. I politely answered that I was able to stay at home full time with Marissa. Now it is not that people blatantly come out and say something, it is more the look on their faces when you mention you are a stay-at-home mom. *Disclaimer: I am not meaning to offend anyone with the following statements. I am blessed to be able to stay at home and realize that some people are not wired that way or are not able to financially be at home full time. So, please don't take me the wrong way!* At the beginning of my ventures into motherhood, I almost made excuses like "I am thinking about going back" or "maybe next year", but lately I am realizing that it isn't something that I should have to defend. So, I decided to write a list of what being a "stay-at-home mom" means to me, in order to prove to myself and the rest of the world that it is something that is WONDERFUL!

Me and my beautiful daughter after a bath.

1. I feel blessed to discipline my children every day of the week, the way that I choose.
2. I feel blessed that I get to teach my children how God has blessed our family, every minute of the day.
3. I feel blessed to be able to read the Word of God to my children before each of their naps during the day.
4. I feel blessed that my child is able to study me throughout the day. The way I react, how I treat people, and what I say.
5. I feel blessed to have a husband that works so hard at whatever he does to make sure that I have the choice to stay-at-home.
6. I feel blessed that my husband is able to come home to a child that he can enjoy and not have to worry about laundry or dishes.
7. I feel blessed to be able to track the development of my child throughout the day.
8. I feel blessed that I get the entire day to figure out what my child's God-give talents are and then find ways to encourage her in those areas.
9. I feel blessed that I get to meet other moms to encourage and lean on for encouragement.
10. I feel blessed that the Lord gave me a calling, maybe a hard one to do at times, or one that is not looked on favorably, but is rewarding in ways I could never have been rewarded with a full time career.

Not to say that sometimes I don't miss the excitement, challenge, structure, accomplishment, and pride (the list could definitely go on) that goes with being a professional. I often times think that teaching is quite a bit easier and would be worth getting back into. However, I am humbled by my baby girl and the difficult calling that God has given me at this point in my life. I don't know what the future will bring our little family of four, but I do know that right now I am a "stay-at-home mom", maybe not the best one around, but a proud one!

A Relaxing Valentines Day

On Saturday, Dan spent some quality time with Marissa while I was able to go to Salem with my sister for a much needed pedicure. For some reason being gone for 3 hours just doesn't seem long enough, however, I didn't have anything else to do. Once I got home, Dan and Marissa had gone on an adventure and so I was able to take a nice long nap. When they got home and after I woke up, I found that Dan had gotten me a dozen roses, chocolates, a teddy bear, and 2 tickets to a Blazer game (on my birthday). Now, I am not the kind of person that demands gifts, flowers, or even chocolates on Valentines Day. In fact I even told Dan this week that the whole day was kind of a joke and a marketing ploy. What a sweet, sweet husband. In the evening, my mother brought over a casserole for Dan and I and a Valentines Day basket for Marissa. Then Dan's sister came over, hung out, and ate dinner with us. It was a wonderful, relaxing day.

The "presentation" Dan created.