Struggling Through Song

While going through one of life's recent challenges I was searching. I was angry, confused, and bitter. My soul knew deep down I didn't want any part of these feelings. My flesh has a tendency to fight for justice, and it's not a bad thing...in general. However, I want to confront, argue, and defend when I feel someone is being treated unjust. 

As I was wrestling and talking it out, our pastor suggested writing a "psalm". I have to be honest, it hit me as the cheesiest idea I had heard and brushed it off. Until one night I felt as if I couldn't shake my feeling of bitterness. I couldn't help but open my notes app and start writing. Here is what came out:

Psalms of Annie 1:1

Hey God,

So, I know deep down in my soul you are incredibly powerful. I know deep down in my soul that you have amazing, amazing, life changing ways. 

I know God you want me to be deeply connected to you. To be intentional dependent on you. To be undoubtedly, instinctually crying out to you, desiring your will at every turn. 

God I know I want that. I know just a speck of what that would mean in my life...in our relationship. Do I desire that? What would it look like to desire that? 

God, I fall short. I plan. I react. I think. I speak. I get angry. I feel offended. All without you. All without seeking you. All without waiting for your direction. Why? Don't I really get why my deep desires and my quick-witted actions are so opposite. 

I am thankful for that pastor who spoke that "cheesy" idea. I think I may continue my Psalms and may I suggest you try it?

*I am not trying to add to the Bible. Just recognizing David was a man, incredible and incredibly flawed man, who wrote and sang to God. Just doing the same. 

Passing It On

Recently I changed the screensaver settings on our computer to filter through all our family pictures (I am sure many of you have done this). What I didn't expect was it to draw such a audience from my children (along with myself and my husband). I have had to "encourage" my children numerous times throughout the day to continue with their chores and not stand around the computer. I almost changed the setting back because I was getting tired of all the "encouraging" I was having to do in that area. 

While studying Exodus 35-40 this week I was struck by how important it is to remember the past. How important it is to reflect on where God has brought His people. The Israelites had been saved from hundreds of years of slavery. They had encountered miracles that many of us won't see in our lifetime, been lead by amazing God-fearing leaders, provided for through incredible means, forgiven for turning their backs on the very God who lovingly supplied all of these things, and worked diligently on building a Tabernacle planned out by God. 

After asking God to forgive them and go with them to the promise land, they got to work building the Tabernacle and finished it right before they celebrated the feast of the Passover. It had been an entire year since they were delivered out of Egypt. Can you imagine as they celebrated this feast the overwhelming feelings they had? Gratefulness? Humility? They had been slaves a year earlier. They had seen/gone through the 10 plagues. Their 1st born children were spared death. They had the waters part before them while escaping the Egyptians. Mana and water had miraculously and sufficiently been provided. Moses had been appointed leader. They had been forgiven for worshiping an idol. Had asked for forgiveness. Spent many hours working on building a Tabernacle for God. And sooo much more. Overwhelming just to think of the emotions facing them as they finished this tent and prepared for Passover. 

As my children, husband and I have paused the last week to look through the pictures of our past we have laughed and cried at all the Lord has miraculously done, what He has delivered us from, what we have worked to build, and what He has provided our family. I am SOOO humbled. I am SOOO grateful. Words cannot describe the thankfulness I have toward all that God has done and the people He has brought into our lives. 

As I pause to look back at another year (or 5, or 10, or 15) I pray that my feelings of gratefulness become deeper as I realize how God has directed us through each twist, turn, and event.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 ESV)

Whatever You're Going Through...You ARE Wonder Woman

Warning: I am NOT an eloquent writer, I just have thoughts (and many times they end up in parenthesis...sorry) that hopefully encourage you (or maybe make you shake your head and say "who gave that women a computer and how does she have any idea how to create a blog"). OK, I got that out.

 

"Wow...you are wonder woman."

That is the line I hear the most frequently these days (when I make it out of my house). After having the twins (I also have a 5 and 3 year old) and my husband leaving to work out of town during the weekdays, I welcomed ANY and ALL of these comments I could get. It fueled my fire, made me feel like no one else could do this...made me feel like I was something else.

 

UNTIL...one day I heard it and wanted to bawl. I wanted to shake the person that said it and tell them "I DON 'T want to be wonder woman and you probably don't REALLY want to either". I wanted to switch places with the person (after I ran them over with the double stroller they just called a limo), because after all their life had to be easier in some way than mine. I didn't want to do it all, stay strong, feed another baby, take on all the discipline with my preschoolers, and try to feed myself (ok, who's kidding...I keep myself fed on stress foods).

Have you ever heard the line "God won't give you more than you can handle"? That line is NOT found anywhere associated with the Bible. There are some major flaws in that theology (#1: that God gives us bad stuff...we could go round and round on that all day; #2: He doesn't want us to experience just enough to make us comfortable and then stop). God wants us to come to Him. God wants us to fully depend on Him and rely on Him for all of our needs. 

I don't want to be Wonder Woman. I don't have to be Wonder Woman. I don't have to puff up when I hear people say "wow, better you than me" or "I certainly couldn't handle having my husband gone weekly". I don't want to rely on what I can handle or what is perceived of me to be able to handle.

I want to know that whatever I am going through, whether a blessing that's hard (these babies of mine ARE amazing blessings) or a trial that is unbearable, I can count on someone greater than me to help me. Someone greater than me to supply what I need. Someone greater than me who is present with me. Someone who is also hurting, struggling, and kneeling with me desiring to give me His help. 

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen."

 (Philippians 4:11-13, 19-20 ESV

My 3 and 4 (at the time) year old, meeting the twins.

The Journey

Whew...a breath: a couple minutes of "free time" after the children are down for the night, a glimpse of what God is teaching me, a reflection of my beautiful, blessed life. That is a breath to me.

 

It has been literally a long time since I have blogged. During that time I was thinking blogging was a waste of time, it was something I had to "keep up on", and that I wasn't a very articulate writer. I look back now and wish I had taken a few minutes here and there to log the happenings of my family, the emotional highs, the shocking surprises, the hard-depend-on-God lows, the days I have struggled to get through, the tears, the BLESSINGS in giggles and kisses...oh, what a special ride my life has taken. I hope to pour out God's wisdom on these pages, the depth of what He has shown me. I hope to be honest, not just for an audience, but so that I can look back to realize just what my amazing Savior has brought me through and where He has brought me to. I find the more I share my tears, struggles, fears, blessings, joys, trials, and the triumphs, the more I can encourage others down the path they are wlaking in life.

 

Wow, seriously, I cannot think back over the last 2-3 years of my life and not be blown away with where God has brought me and my "little" (more on this later) family. I pray the words on these pages will somehow encourage others. Will encourage me as I look back. Will encourage and lead my precious children.

 

I guess this is a welcoming back of sorts. A commitment to myself to show my family their "heritage".

 

 

Desire MORE

Just in case you wished you were a fly on the wall listening to the "message" that I was given the oportunity to share with 30-40 ladies this last weekend, here it is. Please make sure you imagine the expression, goofy added stories, passion, and nervousness I presented it with (oh, and me almost tipping the podeum over numerous times). I was honored to speak (no matter how big or small it was) to anyone that would listen and the Lord would have me potentially impact. So, maybe it impacts you (I pray). It is hard to read through (because it was written for me to speak, but I hope you get the point).

Common Threads and Golden Nuggets

Introduction:
Please be open, humble, and come before the Lord
I feel unqualified, insignificant, nervous, afraid, excited, passionate, overwhelmed, joyful, and thankful that I get to stand up here and tell my heart to you ladies.

Matthew 13:57; Prophet with honor in his hometown.
While some of you may have known me as a child, teen, young adult, now, through others, coaching, sports I played, Young Life, etc. Please put aside all that you have or haven’t heard about me. The impression that you think of me…maybe good or bad. I desire to stand/sit her and pour my heart out to you ladies on what the Lord has taught me and desires to speak through me. Look at the Word the Lord is speaking through me, not what I am speaking to you. I may not have a Doctorate or been “educated” in Theology, and I may only be 30 years old, but I feel like the Lord has lead me to this place and this time for a specific purpose and would love it if you would be open in what every way you need to be in order to accomplish that purpose.

Nothing is effective unless you’re prepared to examine your heart and open up your life to the truth of God’s Word. (Who is God? Followers Guide, pg. 7-8)
Lamentations 3:40, “Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the Lord!”
Background: Lamentations was a book of exactly what it sounds like…lament. The prophet, Jeremiah wrote the book after the desolation of Judah and Jerusalem came to pass. Even though the people of Judah were not very kind to him and he could have easily rejoiced and “proved” to the people that he was a true prophet and they had drifted from the Lord. However, Jeremiah chose to lament.
Jeremiah was describing their duty in the afflicted state they were in.
A serious consideration of ourselves and a reflection upon our past lives. Search what they have been and then try whether they have been right and good or not.
Return to the Lord who is the Creator of our lives. Designer of our time here on earth.
Prepare our hearts for what the Lord has for us at this time, in this place. Just as you would before you went out into the “mission field”.

Take a minute and open your heart before the Lord.

Similarities between Christian teens and women in the “church”:

Videos: “How old ARE you?”
Dancing Clip #1: I have a clip here of a gal dancing in the car. I want you to take a guess at how old you think she is going to be?

Show video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LHrG1OcQJc
Now take a guess of how old you think she is.

Dancing Clip #2: Now I have a clip here of another gal dancing in the car. Please venture to take another guess at how old you think she might be.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxXg5gZpEbM&feature=related
First I just want to note that the gal in video #2 was much safer…dancing while stopped.

So, by these videos, I hope to put you in the mindset of the group that I was ministering to. And also, point out that there are MANY things you all have in common…aside from the occasional singing and dancing in the car.

Examples from my ministry on age:
When I came back to Silverton and went to camp, there were numerous times that Dan and I were told “this is a meeting for leaders only”. At that point we had to tell them that we were the “head leaders in Silverton”.

Now when I chat with my girls I frequently hear statements like “wait, how old are you?” or “wow, your getting old”.

Statistics:
Do you remember when you first got out of college (or high school) and were searching for a job? You may have known what you wanted to do or where you wanted to go, but you were still searching. What do I DESIRE to do with my time? Who do I DESIRE to build relationships with? And I can bet there were more questions asked with the intention or thought of “what do I DESIRE”.

Think about now, or a recent change in your life situation. I guarantee that through that situation you thought about the same core: DESIRE.

Now that I have little kids, what do I DESIRE to fill my time with (besides sleep)? Now that my kids are in school, what do I DESIRE to do with my time? Now that my kids are out of school, what do I DESIRE to focus on? Now that I have my degree, what field do I DESIRE to work in? Now that I have been working here for a few years, how do I DESIRE to move up?

We are always seeking, searching, trying to “figure out” the next move in our lives.

Trying to find what we DESIRE our little lives to look like. To drive home this point, I looked up a few statistics on the number of jobs we hold in a lifetime. The average number is 10 (almost 11) jobs…you guys that is almost a new job, a new DESIRE for life, something different people are searching after every 2.5 years from the age 18-42 (24 years).

Bureau of A BLS news release published in June 2008 examined the number of jobs that people born in the years 1957 to 1964 held from age 18 to age 42. The title of the report is "Number of Jobs Held, Labor Market Activity, and Earnings Growth among the Youngest Baby Boomers: Results from a Longitudinal Survey." (http://www.clearmgmt.com/careers.htm)

These younger baby boomers held an average of 10.8 jobs from ages 18 to 42. (In this report, a job is defined as an uninterrupted period of work with a particular employer.) Both men and women held more jobs on average in their late teens and early twenties than they held in their mid thirties.

Ok, so that is just in the area of one’s professional life, you might say. Well, how about we enter the “personal arena”. How many times does a family move in their lifetime.

According to the US Census Bureau, and the “Geographic Mobility Study”, about 1 in 6 Americans move EACH YEAR!!

The average person moves 11.7 times in their lifetime. So, if you live to be close to 90, you would have moved less than every 10 years.

Other sources (like chacha) states that people will move an average of 16 times in their lifetime or about every 5 years.

WOW, not many people stay put. Always looking for the next thing…DESIRING MORE.

How can the women in the “church” relate to each other even though culture, clothing, food, etc. may be different?

Practical Application:
Desire: The similarities between you women and teens is that we are all searching for MORE. We all have a DESIRE for MORE.

We seek other things to try and fill that… jobs… degrees… friends… husbands, etc.

While all those things are great and fill different roles that God has for our lives (sometimes even promote the DESIRE for MORE). We realize that everyone…at 14, 18, 22, 30, 45, or 65 are seeking the same thing…just filling it differently.

Teens are trying to fill their DESIRE for MORE with

Love: boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, mentors.
Acceptance: play the right sport, find the right group, act the right way, make the right grades.
Prove them: do silly things, sometimes to hurt themselves, their families, friends, their futures.
Someone to care

Think of the last time you thought “why am I still doing this?” or “what exactly am I doing this for?”. Was it trying to get a friend to like you more? Get your husband/boyfriend to pay more attention to you? Fit in with the “right” people in town? Act the way your pastor/mentor/friend expects you to act?

Might I suggest that we can relate to each other in a very deep way. We are just at different points in our lives.

We might have more wisdom, but remember looking at a child and seeing their excitement for life and willingness to love? There are so many things we have to offer others…even at different times in our lives. I love perspective. I love that I can learn a fresh thought from a teen, or a wise nugget from older women.

Biblical Application: God calls us to MORE
Read Ephesians 4:11-16
He equipped us, our lives, our personalities, to DESIRE to serve HIM, to DESIRE more in our lives.

Read 2 Timothy 4:1-5
He DESIRES us to preach the word, be ready…with complete patience and teaching. Endure suffering, FULFILL YOUR MINISTRY.

What are little nuggets I picked up on and hung onto to keep my Christian walk strong while in ministry?

Some of those nuggets that I have gained have been from the people that I was ministering to and some were from Christ inspiring my life ministry through following His will.

Desire for MORE: Ministry Application
Longing/Surrender: I will never forget the overwhelming joy and completely innocent desire for more of God’s Word and knowledge that I would see on the faces of those who just realized what Christ had done in their lives.

I will never forget one in particular, not necessarily a student of mine, but my husband. When he first accepted Christ, on the ride home from camp was the only one on the bus who had their light on the entire 15 hour bus ride reading their Bible, desiring to know who God was.

Thinking to myself at that point, why didn’t I have that same desire, even though I had been raised with the opportunity to make that happen. Then realizing I could make that happen…daily. That God DESIRED that would happen daily!!!

After seeing that, the Lord allowed me to continue to witness this in a few occasional instances. Another gal I had been praying for, reaching out to, going to dance competitions (of which I had NEVER been to any before in my life), seeking out in school hallways, at games, etc. She came to know Christ in such a sold out way. Not questioning ANYTHING. Not hesitating to do ANYTHING she would read in the Bible. Realizing that DESIRE God gives us to live out a life after Him, should be lived out daily!!

Thinking to myself at that point, why didn’t I live without hesitation? Why did I complain about doing things that He asks of me in the Bible? Why don’t I just ACT on that desire of MORE!!!!!

DESIRE for MORE: Biblical Application
Background: Apostles were meeting together, living in unity. They were performing many signs and wonders. More people were being added to their numbers. People brought the sick into the streets and gathered from the towns around Jerusalem. They DESIRED that more people would know Christ.

Read Acts 5:14 “Nevertheless, more and more men and women believed in the Lord and were added to their number…”

Read: Acts 5:17-18
The success of the apostles healing and ministry made the Sadducean high priest and his associates very jealous. So, they arrested the apostles and put them in jail.

Read Acts 5:19-20
An angel then opened the gates and let them out. Now, I don’t know about you. I am a rule follower, and after being put in jail, I would probably just begin to obey. BUT, these apostles, these men of God…DESIRED MORE. They listened to the angel that told them to “tell the people all about this new life”.

Read Acts 5:21a
WHAT? Who told them? God, did. He asked them for MORE. They DESIRED to do what He asked…and DID it!!! WOW!

Read Acts 5:21b-28
“DETERMINED” not to make them guilty. They didn’t get it. They were DETERMINED for a different reason.

Read Acts 5:29-32
“we must obey God, rather than human beings.” They had a strong DESIRE to serve God, over anything else. No matter what He was asking them to do.

Read Acts 5:33-40
They were ordered not to speak of God. What do you think they did? Went back to their homes and ignored the calling of God on their lives, because it might cause a little pain, discomfort, might make them give up some of their time, money, resources?

Read Acts 5:41-42
This hits me so hard. They rejoiced. Day after day they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news.

They had a DESIRE for MORE in their lives.

Nugget: If you are following along at this point and are taking notes. God DESIRES MORE for your life. Start by applying these “nuggets” to your life.

Desire to KNOW MORE of who God is.
Desire to ACT on what he teaches us…whether big or small.

God not only used the people I ministered to in order to teach me about life, Himself, and my life with Him. He used the ministry itself.

Prayer: Ministry Application
There was a point in our ministry that we felt things weren’t going as strong. Numbers were down and in turn we felt like lives were not being changed if we did not get them in the door, build a relationship, and tell them about Jesus. We discussed, strategized, and tried to build programs or activities. One day we just stopped it all and realized we needed to take it to the Lord. Now, it was a desperate seeking, not just “word service”. We continued on ministry, but anything that was outside of what we were already doing turned to prayer. We thought outside the box. Desired to seek Him in unconventional ways. Ways that would stretch us, take us outside our comfort zone, ways that would make us realize it wasn’t just talking that we were doing…that we were serious about Christ coming in and transforming our leaders, lives, kids, school, etc.

We asked kids to meet outside the school (not once a year), but once a week to pray for their classmates. That shocked me to see their faithfulness. It made me realize it sometimes isn’t comfortable, but Christ wants us to go to Him.

We met individually with certain students that desired and prayed in the YL Office. It was something that I had to schedule, plan, and organize with other individuals. It was something that I had to take time to go and do. It just plain took time. I realized that prayer is time consuming. It shouldn’t be something I go to in my spare time. It shouldn’t be something I just go to when I am down. It should be intentional, unpractical, and stretching.

My husband and I would go on walks together. We would go to the high school and walk around the building, praying for the students, the facilities, the sports teams, the faculty, the classrooms, and the leadership. We had fun together doing this. I realized that prayer should be fun. Prayer should be enjoyable and done together. Without a feeling of it being a responsibility. Prayer is something that we DESIRE to do, choose to do, something that brings us pleasure.

Prayer: Biblical Application
I am struck in the life and ministry of Paul, how much he asks the people he is ministers with to pray for him, with him, and how much he prayed for these people.

Read Romans 1:8-10
Romans 15:30-32
1 Corinthians 1:4-9
2 Corinthians 1:11
Ephesians 6:18-20

Nugget: Another point where you get to write down something to apply to your life along with a nugget of truth that I learned. Christ DESIRES us to go to Him in prayer. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable and stretching. It should be intentional, unpractical and fun.

Passion:
Throughout the ministry I was stretched, opened up, broken down, and asked to fully give up myself and my desires. I look back and think, why would I have wanted to go through all of that to not do it to the best of the ability that Christ gave me.

I honestly didn’t have many friends my own age while doing ministry. My husband and I didn’t have much of a “personal spending budget”. We didn’t go out on Friday or Saturday nights. Our time and resources were used for ministry. We felt the Lord calling us to something and DESIRED to put our all into what we were doing. We recounted the life of Jesus Christ and noticed all his time and efforts were focused, driven, and passionately lived out. Through Young Life we desired to do the same. In everything we did, behind it there was a passion we wanted to show: that of Jesus Christ.

Nugget: When you make a choice to live for Jesus Christ, DESIRE to do whatever He asks of you passionately. Why not be sold out? Why go through something thinking afterwards “I wish I would have given it my all”? Are you in charge of something? DESIRE to GO ALL OUT!!!!

What did I learn there that would enhance women’s spiritual walks?

Video: “Who is God?” –Follow Jesus, by Francis Chan (start @ 3:15-6:10)
DESIRE to live out more for Christ. Don’t just memorize how we can DESIRE more for Christ. Don’t just talk about what it means to DESIRE more for Christ. Or have studies about what it looks like to DESIRE more for Christ. Just DESIRE to be more for Christ.

God doesn’t call us to live comfortable, steady, financially prosperous, mildly healthy lives. He is calling us to reach, teach, and grow…always looking for MORE.

How do we get more? How do we get there?
Video: “Who is God?” –Follow Jesus, by Francis Chan (start @ 12:29-14:51)
Surrender!!!! ASK!!!!

Lead me beyond anything I could have every come up with myself!!!! WOW!

Challenge:
Through the past 2-3 months, I have been praying, searching, seeking Christ and asking Him what He desires to teach you. I know in my heart that through the ministry of Young Life, I have learned that there is sooooo much MORE to life. I DESIRE to daily figure out what that is. I DESIRE to figure out what that looks like in this stage of my life. I DESIRE to figure out what that will be like for my future. I DESIRE to figure out where God is leading me, challenging me to look for MORE in all that I do (the large and small things).

Challenge #1: I pray that you would also challenge yourselves. Put yourself in one of the below categories, and answer the questions associated with it.

If you don’t have a relationship with Jesus…that’s ok, but don’t be satisfied where you are at. DESIRE to figure out MORE of who God is. Of who He can be in your future. Seek MORE. DESIRE MORE. Surrender. Ask.

How are you going to do this? What steps are you going to take to seek MORE?

If you are out of high school or college, figure out where the Lord wants you to be. Where He wants to use you? Who he DESIRES you to influence. How you can do MORE? Surrender. Ask.

How are you going to seek MORE for your life? Do you think you have an idea of the DESIRE He has put on your life?

If you are married, have young kids at home,

If you are married/single, have school age kids. Think about where God has you right now. Think about all the activities you and your kids are involved in. Think about all the people you run into. He put you there. Surrender. Ask.

How can you get MORE out of your life with Christ? DESIRE to seek out who God is calling you to “minister” to. Who can you go deeper with? Can you do MORE with your everyday activities?

If you are an empty nester or retired. Come on…what do you really do with your spare time? You have all the time in the world, right? Surrender. Ask.

How are you going to get MORE out of your life? Do you have a DESIRE to pray for your grown children? Influence your grandchildren for Christ? What ministry have you always been drawn to?

Challenge #2: In your group, read through Acts 5:17-41.
Discuss if you have the initial DESIRE to do MORE for Christ. That initial desire that the apostles had. Where are you at right now? Do you have that DESIRE?

After coming upon trials with that DESIRE Jesus gave you, would you act as the apostles did and listen to the angel who told you to go back out and act on your DESIRE. I know some of you might answer…well if an angel told me…yep. Guys, Jesus is speaking to you, He has been your whole life, and He has told you through His Holy Spirit.

Challenge #3: Write it down. Make a goal to accomplish MORE. Have a practical way to fulfill your DESIRE. Share with your group that goal.

I really hope someone was able to make it through all of this message. It was supposed to only be 35-40 minutes. I think I talked for an hour and had to cut down almost 2 pages. I just get so excited and think of things (God puts them in my head) that would be perfect to fit into the words He has already given me. This oportunity has changed the way I view my life (and the studying I did for this) and I hope it did yours even a little.

Don't Welcome Me Back Just Yet

At the begining of 2011, I wrote down some GOALS I have for myself for the next year. I haven't taken much of a look at them over the past  month so I thought I would share them here.

January-February:

1. Set Up a Family, Weekly Meal Plan: tried it one week, need to tweak a few things to make it work for our family, but going ok
2. Sew & Sell Sewn Items on Etsy: haven't sewn much yet, I have to get to work
3. Make an Apron for My Grandmother in IL: need to get to work sewing again :o)

March-April

1. Take a Photography Class: scheduled for March 5th...i'm excited!!!
2. Attend a Marriage Conference (not by myself...that would be wierd): conference scheduled for Dan and I March 11-13th.
3. Go on a Girls Get-A-Way Weekend: in the works.
4. Take a Cooking Class: found one in Salem, just need to schedule/pay for it.
5. Sew More Aprons: this sewing stuff has obviously been my one downfall.

May-August

1. Take a Theology/Biblical Studies Type Class
2. Try EVERYTHING on My Crafty List: this is going to be a big task.
3. Catch Up on Scrapbooking: going to a scrapcamp in May.

General Life Goals:

1. Loose Weight by Exersicing 4-6 Days a Week: been on a roll since October on this goal.
2. DON'T WANT, Be Content With What I Have
3. Go to Church Weekly: this can be hard with 2 young children...but I want to try harder.
4. Go on a Date Night with My Husband Once a MONTH: we have tried the weekly thing and it just doesn't seem to work (and gets expensive with kids/babysitters), so we are going all out ONE night a month.
5. Work Harder on My Marriage and Relationship with My Hubbs: Try to spend one night a week focusing on just us (watching a movie, playing a game, doing something silly, etc.). Don't get into fights as easily. PRAY for him. Be positive and encouraging.
6. Search for Fellowship & Community: through back yard BBQ's, church communities, friends going deeper...whatever it takes and where the Lord leads.
7. Write 25 Messages/Lessons About What I Learn: goal is to post them here.
8. Be Passionate Daily
9. Praise Often: thank the Lord for EVERYTHING He is.
10. Pray MORE: never cease praying...when I think about it...I want to pray about it.
11. Recognize People's Lives and Important Events
12. Be More of a Friend/Giver, Without Expectation
13. Be Honest and Open: will be attempting to do this here.

I hope by me writing down these goals of mine...it inspires you to write your own down and do everything you can to stick to them. God Bless you on your journey.

Random Insights

Throughout the past 3 years of my life I have been pregnant, or lifting children, while remodeling, moving our house from downstairs to upstairs and then back downstairs, painting, putting caulking on baseboard...well you get the idea. This has done a number on my back and a few times has put me down for a day or two. Recently, I did something while I was lifiting Spencer out of his crib and it has been the worst yet. I continued working out and going about my "normal" daily routine (ok, maybe I laid on the couch or in bed the majority of the day) hoping that it would just go away. Well, it didn't...so I decided to see my doctor. She always makes me feel like I did the right thing by coming in and is always concerned with my potential "self, internet-diagnosed" illnesses. This time she thought it was probably more of a problem than I had thought. The pain had gone down my legs and was affecting one of my feet. So, she put me on a steroid for a few days. I haven't been on any major medication and wasn't sure how it was going to affect me. Well, it has been almost impossible for me to get to sleep the last few nights, which has kept me up looking at all sorts of interesting information I could possibly think of googling on the interent. Here are a few insights and websites I have found. Happy reading (if you have about 6 hours).

*From: An iphone Bible app (someone put some of their insights on their Scripture reading and life):

Luke 24:45 "Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures".

Over the past month I've started a Bible Reading Plan to grow closer to God. Honestly, I didn't think I could keep it up for the long term. I have never been a consistent Bible reader. A little bit here, and a little bit there most of my life. Sure, I've had growth spurts but never anything long-term. For the majority of my life I have starved myself the Word of God. What I've discovered is that God wants to see us reach our potential but we cannot do it by listening to Sunday sermons and reading a few self-help books. There is no shortcut or secret. God desires to spend quality time with all of us through the Bible and prayer.

This hasn't been an easy journey for me. When I decided to begin this 90-day reading plan I had to force myself to make time in my 'busy schedule' for the intense study that I personally chose. Can you believe most of us don't have time for God even if it's just for 5 minutes? We act like it's the end of the world to make room for the God of the Universe, our creator, when he has all the time in the world for us!! I confess that I had that mentality for so long. I realize how selfish I was. I found after the first two weeks my appetite began to grow for more of the Word of God. I sometimes fell short of completing my daily reading but I kept going because I discovered a hunger inside of me that wasn't going away. After I started reading the Bible plan I truly experienced what it says in Luke 24:45.

Not everyone is excited to sit down and read the Bible at first but after you let God's word penetrate your heart, you began to experience the presence of God in new ways. My heart has become more open and full of understanding. It's such a great feeling to be so connected to God! You know that feeling you get when you listen to what you consider a great song and you play it over and over and over because it resonates deep in your soul. Well... that's exactly, what the feeling is when you meditate on God's word and hide it in your heart. You feel so drawn to read more and excited to see God revealed throughout the scriptures that it becomes a healthy addiction. You turn the obligation to read the Bible into an opportunity for serving God in new ways!! Your eyes are opened to His truths, your heart remains sensitive and you see more opportunities to serve God instead of yourself.

Reading the Bible is no longer boring or old-fashioned. There are many ways to stay up-to-date and fresh in God's Word... YouVersion.com and BibleGateway.com are two awesome examples of online tools for reading and researching scripture online- with many different translations. You can read the Bible via mobile phone apps or another option is audio Bible cds. The thing is you don't need to read the Bible in 90 days. That was a personal choice I made. There are reading plans out there for 365 days, for new Christians or beginners, and even more challenging plans. Whatever you do, do it with excellence for the Lord. Spend time with Him, pray and be consistent in doing both! You will see a change in your appetite and begin to grow spiritually!!

Joshua 1:8 "Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful".

2 Timothy 3:16-17 "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work".

*From: A blog of a mom of 11 (Great and interesting view on apologies from children):

http://maprap.blogspot.com/2010/06/apology-accepted.html

*From: A blog from one of my old guy friends from high school, Andrew Murch, who became a pastor and is living in Tacoma, WA. I love his insights and book reviews.

http://spacecreated.blogspot.com/

*From: A friend who lives in Mexico and has an amazing ability to get her thoughts, feelings, and emotions down. So glad I get to keep connected from so far away:
http://arms-wide-open.squarespace.com/

*2 fun blogs with cool mom stuff I like to read about. Pretty random stuff, but it is neat to see all the fun stuff out there:
http://www.coolmompicks.com/

http://www.mamaista.com/

*Some fun sewing blogs. I get some great ideas...of course they are just ideas until I get some time to actually try their projects.
http://sewchic.blogspot.com/

http://sewmamasew.com/blog2/

*Then of course there is etsy.com: I could spend hours on this site looking at all the creative stuff people do (and then try to copy it :)

*Here are some great moms and ministry and just special Spiritual insights from some great blogs:
http://momsministryandmore.blogspot.com/

http://danabailey.blogspot.com/2010/05/call-to-rest.html

http://livingstonesministries.wordpress.com/devotionals/

Anyways, here are some great reads for you if you feel like you have a few extra hours to sit (hahaha, that is probably not much of an option, unless you are up nearly all night like I was).

Trial Without the Blessing

*From May-ish

God is so powerful. I have been learning through BSF that God is just unfathomable (we cannot fully comprehend His love, compassion, or even His plans in our lives). He has created me, my family, my life, my husband, his job, etc. all for His glory. Now, I am not saying that I, my family, my husbands business, or anything else are amazing and are going to glorify God by the positives they bring into the world. Actually quite the opposite...they will glorify Him through the trials that come in our lives. A statement hit me hard a few weeks ago and it has brought me into a calming mood about the "little things" in life (I'll give it to you at the end of this post).

Since the day I married my husband I knew he as a wild card. Actually, that was one of the things that attracted me to him...we were opposite. But there were always "plans" of him going to college and settling down with a 9-5 job that would provide for our every need. Boy did God know that wasn't in the cards. After him going to one sememster of college (and us both realizing he WASN'T called to be a student) he went back to work in the drilling industry. We were in limbo for such a long time just asking God what He wanted us to do (go into ministry, keep working in construction, work up the ladder into a manager position at a retail type store, etc.). Finally in 2007, after I figured out I was pregnant and had just quit my job to go back to get my Masters, Dan annoucned to me that he wanted to start a company. Every bit of logic inside of me screamed NO, NO, NO...however I had this overwhelming sense of peace about it and the Lord just told me to follow Dan's lead. I felt like I was a very supportive wife, but as I look back, I was also his biggest adversary because life was never stable. In fact our friends Ryan and Tara were more supportive and believed in Dan more than I did (I can look back and admit it). Lately God has been teaching me about the kind of wife I need to be to my husband. About the attitude I need to have while I am with him and when I am not with him (I admit, when he is not around or can't put his full attention toward our family, I get very upset and then let that affect the way I treat him). It is easy for me to say that I need to be strong and postitive through major trials that come up in my life, but the Lord has brought me to a place where I desire to look at the ordinary trials (the daily ins and outs that can create larger trials) and know that He will bring glory through them. I desire to look at what ever the future brings (good, bad, ugly, or "normal") and say the same. I know that the Lord gave me that "wierd" (what seemed to be wierd at the time) sense of peace about my husband starting a company, because He desired to show me a little bit of Himself through the situations that have presented themselves (both good and bad). It may not be the most stable job or always provide for us...but I know that God wants me to look at each obstical through his eyes, seeing the blessing at the end of the small and large trials.

Along with owning a business comes the many ups and downs of that business. I HATE that. I am a stable person, that likes having a stable income and knowing that my husband is going to be home at night. It is actually quite the opposite with my husbands company. I never know if there is going to be steady work, if he is going to be working 8 hours away, or if he will be home in time to put Marissa to bed. I have struggled with that since August 1st of 2007 when they left to Idaho. Through it all I have tried to be positive...being very unsuccesful (thinking I was being postive...but actually being very negative). Lately with the downturn in the economy and the uncertainty that faces so many businesses it is hard to know when things will pick up. We have some good things going for us, but it is hard to see the light at the end of this crazy tunnel. I don't know where we will be financially or physically (whether Dan will have work here in the area or far, far away). Through it all, I look at what we have to face and the plugging away that we have ahead of us and I HAVE A CHOICE. I don't know if God is going to bring us "fortune or misfortune" (I say that not in a finacial tone, but in a spiritual tone) or take us away from where we call home or if He will securely place us where we call home. But I hope that through the best or the worst I can look at my situation and say:

"Do I react to seeming misfortune like it was a blessing in which to give God glory or do I waste the suffering, because I do not use it to experience the glory of God in a new way and what He will do for me in it?" (paraphrase from BSF notes)

"God will work in my life and in then lives of those around me. Without the trial there would not be the particular blessing which that trial is meant to give. When I do not look for a blessing in the trial, the suffering of the trial is often wasted as though it was an effort spent, but with neither profit nor fruit." (paraphrase from BSF notes)

So, from this all...I can say that I am "excited" for the blessing in this trial and to see how God's glory is going to work through it. Trying to keep a positive attitude so that I (and others) can experience God's purpose in the midst. It's just earth, right? There is a place where we won't have to worry about this stuff.

Why We Needed Spencer

I know the Lord has a GREAT sense of what we need in our lives. While the addition of Spencer was not completely planned by Dan and I, he was welcomed with LOTS of love. As time progresses and I see my two beautiful children interact together I realize a little of God's plan for us. Marissa is a great child and could play by herself for long periods of time, however, she has been soooo in love with her little brother. The Lord knew just what she needed too (it wasn't all about me). While we were out at the beach I came to a small realization.

Marissa doesn't do so well sleeping anywhere else but in her bed. From the begining I did everything "they say" you are supposed to do (put them in the playpen, not just their beds, make sure they are around noise when they sleep, etc.), however, she just doesn't like anything but her bed. Well, when we were out at the beach I realized it was going to be a "fun" time listening to her cry herself to sleep. The first night we didn't put Spencer in the room with her because we thought that might make the process longer. The usual crying, screaming, throwing her pacifier out, going in to console her once or twice, etc. went on. The next night I just decided to put Spencer down at the same time, because it was time for him to go to bed too. It was AMAZING the difference in Marissa's demenor. She didn't even cry and went to sleep right away. Then next night I put Spencer down again with Marissa...same thing. Oh, she just needed someone to be there with her. I can't wait till they get a little older and appreciate eachother's company even more. These days, Marissa chooses to eat her snack (she can only sit in one place to eat snack) next to her brother, chooses to play with her brother and his toys, helps him "roll over", and LOVES to give him kisses. Here are some pictures of the two of them together.

Eating snack next to baby Spencer.

Playing with Spencer and his toys.

Teaching Children How to Pray

Every year we get so many picture greeting cards from friends and family. Last year a good friend gave me an idea on how to use these pictures all year. So, we began this tradition last year and are excited to keep it going in our house. Marissa gets to keep the photos in her bedroom by her bedtime Bible. Before going to bed she chooses one family to pray for and this has quickly become a MUST in her nighttime routine. She LOVES doing this and always asks us the names of the people in the pictures. I enjoy watching her learn the names and most of all learn to pray for the people we love. She not only gets to add a face to their name, she gets to pray for them on a regular basis. So, if you are wondering what to do with all those pictures...here is a great suggestion I am passing on to you and your family.

Marissa learning to pray for her friends and family.

Learning the names of her friends and family.

Random Ramblings

Andrea's Insights
I have been excited about what God has been teaching me lately. After I stepped out of doing Young Life ministry, I had a hard time putting a finger on the Lord's purpose for this time in my life. Recently, I have been seeking and searching and have a slight clue to what He has for me right now. Dan and I were talking about our present purpose on this earth and like to correlate it to a rodeo bull. Before the bull goes out into the arena it is poked and prodded to make sure that it gives one of the wildest performances for the rider. We feel we are in that bull pen, waiting...being poked and prodded by the Lord to learn and grow closer to Him so that when he opens the gate for us, we can make sure to give the wildest ride we possibly can for Jesus. I am SO excited and can't wait to gain wisdom, passion, and compassion for our mission and life's ministry no matter what that turns out to be. Here are just a few pieces of insight I have been gaining lately.

Crazy Love Book by Francis Chan

God created me for Him...for His glory, His honor, for me to show Him in all that I do (Colossians 1:16). In Chan's book he says "Don't we live instead as though God is created for us, to do our bidding, to bless us, and to take care of our loved ones?" (pg. 33). How often to I take for granted that I am here to please God...not for Him to please me.

Life is all about God...when I stress and worry, I am showing Him and everyone around me that my circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice. Me, my finances, my relationships, my children, my family, or what I am making for dinner are not more important than the work God created for me...stop stressing.
As Chan said: "Both worry and stress reek of arrogance." (pg. 42) OUCH!!
"I am still dumb enough to forget that life is all about God and not about me at all." (pg. 42)

I want to desire Him...not just have a daily devotional, but desire Him in all that I do. Matthew 22:37-38 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind". What a commandment!!!!!!!
Francis Chan's thoughts:
"Over time I realized that when we love God, we naturally run to Him-frequently and zealously." (pg. 57)

God had great plans for me...He knew me before I was born...knew what I was going to say and do...WOW!!! (Jerimiah 1:5). I can't wait to do what He has planned for me...daily...what is it tomorrow? :0).
Chan's interpretation of this:
"My existence was not random, nor was it an accident. God knew who He was creating, and He designed me for a specific work." (pg. 59)

Bible Study Fellowship
I am just amazed at Jesus life here on earth. The example He left for us to follow is astonishing!! I have gone through the book of John a few times since I have become a Christian and pointed many Young Life kids to read the book of John, but I can truly say this time it is showing me how amazing the life of Christ really was.

Also, I was struck by John the Baptist. When he was ministering the people asked him over and over who he was. John conitnued to point toward Jesus. He could have easily taken the credit and brought confidence, glory, honor, and fame to himself at that moment, but he chose to make Jesus name known in whatever he was doing. What an example for us!!!!! (John 3:22-36)

Songs Touch the Heart
I LOVE music. I always have to be listening to something and really listening. It inspires my thinking, my ministry opportunities, and my life. Lately I have been listening to kids music with Marissa. At first I was disappointed that "my music" had been replaced, however, God can inspire anything...and He does. He has been "awe-ing" me lately with the fact that He is so personal, cares so much, and desires us with such passion. Here is a children's song that talks about Jesus passing through the city of Jericho...with no intention to stop until he noticed a broken, searching, humbled man. In the end, because of His heart for this searching man, Jesus saved Zacchaeus' life. How amazing that God cares for a sinful, unliked, morally wrong, person...and took the time to seek and save him!

Who Am I (Faith Kids--Blue Album)
Who am I? Lost in a crowd smaller than me.
Who am I? A sinner with greed, that's all they see.
So I run ahead, to higher ground, but I did not know I was going to be found.
When you came to the place, looked up and saw me, on a branch of a sycamore tree.
Today, salvation came to my house, because I am the son of Abraham.
The Son of Man came into my house to seek and save me.
Who am I, am I riches and fame, abusing my name?
No, no, no I am a good man, I give to the poor, over 4-fold.
Now there's something about the way you speak,
oh its not just your words that give strength to the weak.
It's the way that you say "come down from that tree",
it's the way that you say "come follow me, today".
Today, salvation came to my house, because I am the son of Abraham.The Son of Man came and into my house to seek and save me.

How often do I stop and seek out those that are truly broken and lost, but deep down want to be saved and want to see Jesus? And how much does God love his broken people...that's me? WOW!

Perfection for an inspirational, perfect, Holy God!
Lately, I have been convicted to take a deep look at what I am intentionally doing for the Lord. God has called me here on earth for a greater purpose than to get by daily and just survive. He wants me to thrive and make Him known through everything I do. What a calling!!!! So, in that calling...am I showing others, my daughter, husband, friends, and family a half-hearted, "only on 'my' time" kind of a God. I hope not. When people think of God they think of perfection, and Holiness. So why don't I show others the perfection and Holiness of God. In all I do daily and in the ministries that He has called me to be a part of, I strongly desire to show that perfection. That means taking every opportunity I can to show this...no matter the cost (time, money, whatever it takes). I know God calls us to more than mediocrity, so why would I not show others who God really is...AMAZING...in everything I do?

A thought on a Holy God from Crazy Love by Francis Chan
"Many Spirit-filled authors have exhausted the thesaurus in order to describe God with the glory He deserves. His perfect holiness, by definition, assures us that our words can't contain Him. Isn't it a comfort to worship a God we cannot exaggerate?" (pg. 31)

Stuck in Backwards

Why is it that in the past year, the times I stop to evaluate my Spiritual life, I find I am stuck in reverse. Goals, plans, books, anything that I try just doesn't seem to put me in forward motion with the Lord. When I was constantly in ministry with Young Life (and I mean we put any extra part of our lives in this ministry), I felt like the Lord was constantly stretching me to grow and move forward. I was almost forced to seek and search for Him through situations He would put in front of me. I was convicted to hold myself accountable to teach the gals I was ministering to anything I knew about Jesus.

Now this next phase of my life has not been so easy. Granted there weren't easy things about doing "part-time" ministry (plus a full time job), but it just seems that when I am not forced to grow I get stuck moving away. I know that God has me at this point in my life for a reason. Maybe (not maybe...I am sure), He wants me to grow with Him on my own, to make that choice to decide to be with Him instead of a shower, me time, a nap, organizing parts of the house, shopping to finish Spencer's room, etc. I know that He wants my time, I have "preached" this to my Young Life girls...why is it so hard when it isn't demanded of you? Maybe because He wants me to choose Him again.

As Dan and I were driving back from Chicago, I learned that my husband is a very contemplative guy. He has so much driving time on his hands with his business (checking on crews, driving up to control situations, etc) that he has learned how to really listen to songs and books on audio. I have always listened and loved music, but rarely took the time to make it sink in and use it as more than worship but life changing words (it is such a difference, not just listening, but contemplating how these worship words might change your life). We were listening to his new favorite album and I came across this song:

Woah oh take every part of me
Woah oh cause you got everything I need

Now Lord I aint gotta whole lot to give
But what I have it's all yours in every single bit
Cuz you're the source of my peace the reason that I live
You're what I'm living for and what I mean to say is this
Take my life right down to every little thing
It aint much but right in now every thing I bring
I give it all to you cuz I've found just when I think
About all you do I'll follow you in everything
I call on you man you always do just what you said
You make me new and take me through to a place of rest
And when these stressed out thoughts be running through my head
You just remind me how far I've come and where I been
And as I thinking about every single thing you did
And looking back upon where I was when I's a kid
All I can say is take every thing I gots to give
It's all yours Lord and all I say is this

Woah oh take every part of me
Woah oh cause you got everything I need

Now Lord I've held back in my past
Held onto certain things I didn't want you to have
Tried to do it my own way and then watched it crash
Tried to make it through my day but never tried to ask
Where I'm supposed to go what I'm supposed to do
But yet you still right there just to bring me through
But now I've figured out exactly what I'm gonna do
This time around I won't hold a thing back from you
From big to small I put it all now in your hands
Cause when I fall you pick me up time and time again
You dust me off and tell me just to try again
I know everything you got purpose and a plan
So what I bring to you it's everything that I've had
I want to give to you everything that I can
I want to live for you cuz I finally understand
All I need to do is finally give you everything

Woah oh take every part of me
Woah oh cause you got everything I need

*KJ-52, Take Every Part of Me

What God Expects?

Those of you that know me, know that I am a passionate person. God has given me the desire to change lives and reach others for Him. I am constantly going to the Lord for discernment on what that means exactly. What exactly is church supposed to do? Where does God want me to lead? Where does He have me going? I never want to be satisfied with where I am (don't take that wrong, I want to be satisfied knowing I am in God's Will). This last week a good friend said it best...God expects more out of us than we expect out of ourselves. Are we constantly searching out what the Creator of Our Being expects of what He gave us? Are we taking each of the truths that He teaches us and putting it into practice?


I was also struck this Sunday by the report of a mission team that just got back from Honduras. I was moved as I sat there thinking of all the people that had come to know Christ just by the faithful following of those 10-15 people, one man in particular stuck out. He had stayed down an additional week to continue to minister to the people that had been touched by the festival. I was overwhelmed at the dedication and commitment that this man has given to God's expectations for his life. As I walked out of church I wondered...now what am I going to do about this? God just gave me a piece of His heart. I didn't want to leave church and wonder where I was going to go to lunch, or what I was going to do later that day. He gave me that piece of His heart and EXPECTS me to make something of it. Just think of what every Christian's life would be like if they applied each piece of truth in a practical, non-judgmental, Christ-expecting way!

God is challenging me, and maybe you to take the bits of His, our Creator's, heart and simply apply it...ask "what does He REALLY expect of me after giving this little bit of information?"

Reflection

At MOPS this morning I was reminded that we are constantly on a journey where God is refining us and making us more like Himself. Throughout the past year of my life, I have felt as if this is a different type of refining...more of a "life role refinement" rather than a "situational refinement". I have struggled (but enjoyed) trying to "fit into" this mom role and determine what that means for ME. As I was finishing up Marissa's scrapbook/baby book for her first year I was adding verses that have been an encouragment. It was so great to look through all that I have learned spiritually and relfect on the truths God has taught our family. Here are just a few verses that have encouraged me and hope they help you through a "refinement" in your life.

"But to each one of us grace was given according to the measure of Christ's gift."Ephesians 4:7

"Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see deliverance the Lord will bring you today...The Lord will fight for you: you need only to be still."Exodus 14:13-14

"Let no corupt word come out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary diefication, that it may impart grace to the hearers."Ephesians 4:29

"Let us come boldy to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."Hebrews 4:16

"...as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to the life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust." 2 Peter 1:4-3

Being a Mom

Ok, I am not normally the type to get emotional around anyone but close friends or family (unless it is something I am super passionate about...like teenage souls), but the Lord spoke to me tonight, so here it goes:

I am going to be honest here (that is one of Dan's least favorite sayings...he says "why don't you just be honest, why do you have to say your being honest"), being a mom hasn't been the easiest for me. My daughter just turned one and some of you might be thinking "wow, she's had a year to get accustomed to being a mom". Well this last year has been quite the adjustment in my life. I grew up LOVING kids of all ages. I was the one that said that all I wanted to be was a mother...nothing else. I married a man who couldn't wait to have children and more than anything wanted me to be able to stay home and raise them. Having Marissa was one of the greatest moments. I wouldn't say that things changed or that I expected it to be different. I feel like I have just been trying to find my place, find "stuff" to do, fill my time, find others that feel the same way, find encouragement or a deep friendship, find a place to serve, or find something that might confirm that this is what the Lord has called me to do. Tonight, as I couldn't get to sleep, I picked up a book (one my mom gave me that I just brushed off at first) and found this plea that helped me realize what it takes to be a mother and that I am not alone.

"Please, roll up your mothering sleeves and dive in. Give being a mom your heart, your all, your best, your time, your blood, sweat, and tears...and above all, your prayers! Learn all you can. Do all you can. Hang in there. Don't get discouraged. Don't even think about giving up. And pray always!

God has entrusted you with a new generation. And He's also given you all of the grace and strength and power and wisdom and love you will need for ever step and second along the way. Believe it and own it. Never forget--you are a mom after God's own heart. For this you were born." -Elizabeth George, A Mom After God's Own Heart

I read this and felt as if she knew that I can't do it and am confused. She knew that I desire to be the best at what God has called me to do but don't know how. She knew that sometimes I just want to focus my time and attention on other things to distract from the fact that I don't think I can be a good mom. She knew that all I need to do is pray...not just for me, but for my children. She knew that God made me for this moment and has given me what I need for it. Maybe you won't get the same thing out of these two paragraphs that I did, but I hope that they encourage you in some way where you are now, especially if you are a mom.

We've Been Busy

Over the course of the past two weeks the Schacher Family has been busy with cleaning (yes, Dan included), cooking (also, Dan is included), BSF, Bible Study, our last swimming lesson, hanging out with friends, spending quality time with family, going to a basketball game, getting pictures taken, celebrating Marissa's first birthday, getting back together with my senior girls, decorating for Marissa's birthday bash, and actually managed to squeeze in some nap time. I have been feeling much better (as you can tell from the list of events that have happened), but still "feel-it" by the end of the day. I am normally the one suggesting that it's bedtime, which is HIGHLY unusual, and has gotten some funny looks from Dan. I hope you enjoy the short snip-its of the last few weeks events.

BSF

Bible Study fellowship has been a wonderful way for me to dig deeper in to The Word and I enjoy getting away for a morning. The study this year has been on "the Exodus", now studying in Leviticus. I have been amazed at how relevant this section of the Old Testament is to us today. God's dealing with His leaders and His people is really convicting and also confirming as it applies to my life. I love how God has put Dan and I in a place of "preparation" for the next "ministry" He has for our lives. I have felt such confirmation through the book of Exodus that this is exactly where we are supposed to journey through at this time, preparing our hearts and minds for what comes next.

Bible Study

Every Tuesday night I look forward to getting together with 4 other Christian gals. I have been blessed by the conversations and challenges that have presented themselves through our time together as well as the "off the course" talking about children. The girls in the group have been so encouraging to me and have made me realize that God wants me to serve in capacities that might stretch me while in this time of "preparation". I have felt convicted through this study to start up my Senior girls night again, keep my eyes open for people that need a little bit of love and "service" (my husband is GREAT at this, picking up hitch hikers and recognizing needs all the time...me not so much), and become a better mother and wife. I look forward to what these girls have to teach me in the future.

Quality Time With Family

On Saturday Dan got up with Marissa while I was able to sleep in. He then suggested that Marissa and I follow him into Salem so we could wander around town while he took a company truck in to get some work done on it. Know here is a little background about me...I don't like "browsing" and I really don't like feeling as if "nothing got done during the day". My first inclination was to start making excuses as to why this wouldn't be a good thing for Marissa and that it wasn't something "fun and exciting", but then bit my tongue (BSF is teaching me not to complain so much) and said we would love to. We ended up having a great day together just "browsing".

Celebrating Marissa's Birthday

Since we were celebrating Marissa's birthday on Saturday, Dan and I had talked about keeping her actual birthday pretty simple. We went into Almquist Studio's to get her pictures taken for the kiddie contest and then kept the rest of the day routine. Well with Dan not much is routine. He began the day with 4 different gifts that he bought on his own: a tambourine, 3 books, a puppy, and an xylophone. Then in the evening I had some Senior girls over for dinner and America's Next Top Model. He came in and informed us that Marissa and him had planned out their evening together. They packed up her gear and headed to Chunky-E-Cheese for the remainder of the night. Marissa rode the rides, played some of the games, ate dinner, watched the kids play, and even got some tickets. She is so lucky to have a dad that desires to make her feel "special". Once she got home all the girls wanted to spend some time with her. She got to taste chocolate cake for the first time. I turned out to be a great day for Marissa's first birthday.

On our way to get pictures taken...gets to sit forward today...she loved it!

Unfortunately Dan forgot to take the camera to Chunk-E-Cheese, but this is how they came home...with balloons, Chunky, water bottles, cool hats, and cake!

Her first taste of chocolate cake. (Notice the shirt Dan put on Marissa...it says "My Dad Is The MAN".)

Digging into the chocolate cake on her birthday.

More Than Just Naps and Laundry

The Birthday Girl

I am excited to put together a fun party for Marissa. I have already thought about ideas and gone shopping for decorations (about a month ago I started looking). Tara gave me the idea to do brown and pink polka dots and I am so glad that she did, because it is going to be fun to decorate. I have already found and ordered some cute stuff online and my sister and I are going shopping next week for more decorations. I found the perfect brown and pink head bow and onesie (shown in the invitation picture) for her to wear. I can't wait to celebrate Marissa's first year of life...it only happens once.

Getting a "bottom shot". How cute is that?

So What's Actually Been Going On?

Well, the last few weeks I have been feeling SO tired (you think that would have been a hint that I was pregnant), and have not been doing much but sleeping when Marissa sleeps and relaxing when Marissa is awake. I have been pushing myself each day to walk with my mom, so that takes up 1/2 of my day's energy. My husband has been amazing and doing all the laundry, but unfortunately that is where he stops. I am then left folding and putting away clothes. I don't like folding and putting away laundry anyways, but especially when I am feeling so tired. I feel guilty because in our upper den area there is folded laundry everywhere, waiting for me to put it into our closets. So, if my blog hasn't been that exciting over the course of the last few weeks...it's because my life hasn't either...sleeping, folding laundry, and watching Marissa play.

Swimming Lessons

After hearing from a friend that the YMCA in Silverton was starting a new round of swimming lessons, I decided to sign Marissa and I up. We began this week on Tuesday morning. I normally go to BSF and leave Marissa with my mom, but this week she was out at the beach. So, I decide if I couldn't go to BSF, I was going to take Marissa to her first swimming lessons. We got there way to early, so Marissa was very antsy by the time it actually got to her lessons. She was very excited for the water at first, but once the swimming instructor took her, it became a different story. Now Marissa is normally a pretty independent girl. Not this time...all she wanted was to lay on her mothers shoulder. I actually felt needed by her for the first time in a while. After swimming for 20 minutes (she was getting pretty cold, so we got out 10 minutes early), taking a warm shower, getting bundled up, and going back home, Marissa took a 3 hour 45 minute nap (I did too :). WOW, that must have taken a lot of energy to go swimming.

On Thursday, we went to our second swimming lesson, and did much better. She was still a little scared at first, but eventually warmed up to the teacher and ventured off mom's hip. Dan was able to stop by for a few minutes to watch and Marissa warmed up quite a bit once he got there. It is amazing what dad's can do. Looking forward to next Thursday to see what she will be willing to do.

Marissa blowing the camera "kisses" in her new bathing suit and cover up.

Bible Study...Soon to Turn "Spiritual Play-Date"

I am really excited about the opportunity that I have had to meet with a couple of girls, that I previously taught with at Butte Creek (and two others), on Wednesday mornings to do a Bible study. Two of the gals have babies (one 4 months old and the other 6 months old, then Marissa) and the other two are pregnant (one is due in June and the other late August). With the addition of my pregnancy (in September) we were laughing on Wednesday about what our Bible Studies are going to look like next fall. With 6 children, 3 newborns and 3 walkers, we can't wait to figure out how we are going to "study" the Bible. We all decided it was going to be more like a "spiritual play-date". I am looking forward to Marissa playing with the other children and hearing their moms (and her mom) talk about the Lord....what could be better?

What It Means To Me To Be A Mom Full Time

On Friday night, the three (four including baby #2) of us ventured out to our second basketball game this year (sad to say, it was only our second). I always enjoy watching my old Young Life girls play and I am always up for talking "coaching strategy" with those interested around me. Dan was able to take Marissa up to the mezzanine to run around during the second 1/2 of the game. Unfortunately the girls lost, so afterward they were a little upset.

While I was waiting for the girls to come back from their "post-game meeting", I ran into some people that I only see occasionally. The question came up of whether I was back to teaching or not. I politely answered that I was able to stay at home full time with Marissa. Now it is not that people blatantly come out and say something, it is more the look on their faces when you mention you are a stay-at-home mom. *Disclaimer: I am not meaning to offend anyone with the following statements. I am blessed to be able to stay at home and realize that some people are not wired that way or are not able to financially be at home full time. So, please don't take me the wrong way!* At the beginning of my ventures into motherhood, I almost made excuses like "I am thinking about going back" or "maybe next year", but lately I am realizing that it isn't something that I should have to defend. So, I decided to write a list of what being a "stay-at-home mom" means to me, in order to prove to myself and the rest of the world that it is something that is WONDERFUL!

Me and my beautiful daughter after a bath.

1. I feel blessed to discipline my children every day of the week, the way that I choose.
2. I feel blessed that I get to teach my children how God has blessed our family, every minute of the day.
3. I feel blessed to be able to read the Word of God to my children before each of their naps during the day.
4. I feel blessed that my child is able to study me throughout the day. The way I react, how I treat people, and what I say.
5. I feel blessed to have a husband that works so hard at whatever he does to make sure that I have the choice to stay-at-home.
6. I feel blessed that my husband is able to come home to a child that he can enjoy and not have to worry about laundry or dishes.
7. I feel blessed to be able to track the development of my child throughout the day.
8. I feel blessed that I get the entire day to figure out what my child's God-give talents are and then find ways to encourage her in those areas.
9. I feel blessed that I get to meet other moms to encourage and lean on for encouragement.
10. I feel blessed that the Lord gave me a calling, maybe a hard one to do at times, or one that is not looked on favorably, but is rewarding in ways I could never have been rewarded with a full time career.

Not to say that sometimes I don't miss the excitement, challenge, structure, accomplishment, and pride (the list could definitely go on) that goes with being a professional. I often times think that teaching is quite a bit easier and would be worth getting back into. However, I am humbled by my baby girl and the difficult calling that God has given me at this point in my life. I don't know what the future will bring our little family of four, but I do know that right now I am a "stay-at-home mom", maybe not the best one around, but a proud one!

A Relaxing Valentines Day

On Saturday, Dan spent some quality time with Marissa while I was able to go to Salem with my sister for a much needed pedicure. For some reason being gone for 3 hours just doesn't seem long enough, however, I didn't have anything else to do. Once I got home, Dan and Marissa had gone on an adventure and so I was able to take a nice long nap. When they got home and after I woke up, I found that Dan had gotten me a dozen roses, chocolates, a teddy bear, and 2 tickets to a Blazer game (on my birthday). Now, I am not the kind of person that demands gifts, flowers, or even chocolates on Valentines Day. In fact I even told Dan this week that the whole day was kind of a joke and a marketing ploy. What a sweet, sweet husband. In the evening, my mother brought over a casserole for Dan and I and a Valentines Day basket for Marissa. Then Dan's sister came over, hung out, and ate dinner with us. It was a wonderful, relaxing day.

The "presentation" Dan created.