Have you ever felt like God was saying "hey, you, would you just fully trust in me? I want to work big!! I want to show myself to you in ways you wouldn't be able to imagine. I WILL show myself in ways that you wouldn't be able to imagine!! Please, wont you just let me work?"
Well, those moments happen often in my life, more often than I want to admit. Probably because I am so good at saying "the right stuff" in the moment and feeling like I've got it under control. Can I type the truth here, I'm probably not alone? Yeah, I know I'm not alone.
As I study God's Word and truly dig into what the pages mean, the story behind what is happening, and the God who is trying to get His truths across, I am almost always immediately blown away at the lack of faith, trust, and hope "those people in the Bible times" had in a BIG GOD.
I mean, the Israelites, yeah, they were so messed up, right? Idols, sexual sins, grumbling (over and over), looking to other people and things. The kings, David, the first churches that had drama..."those people".
Until I am brought to my knees in a super humble realization that I am so beyond what God desires. I am missing out on so many blessings HE has for me, because of my lack of faith. My lack of trust. My lack of ultimate HOPE in what HE desires.
The last 6 months of my life have been about trust. Trust beyond what I desire. Trust beyond what I thought I needed. Trust beyond what I thought I could possibly trust. It was a scared trust. Knowing that ultimately our finances, a new company, fully putting my husband at the lead of our marriage was not going to be because of me or anyone else...but God.
Now, I am at a new point in my "trust journey".
Sitting here, knowing the only next steps are HIS.
How we get paid, how we pay others, what jobs we get or don't get...they are all HIS.
I am slowly making a transition from trusting God to having HOPE in Him. In HIS plan.
Not a word I have ever been truly drawn to. It seemed like such a wishy-washy word. A word you throw in when you FEEL like you should trust. "I really hope we will be able to get a new car next year." "I really hope I pass this test."
Not a word I truly understood or cared to understand for that matter...until recently. At a women's gathering, God put it on my heart. I wrote it down. I sat on it for a little bit. I wondered why I was drawn to that word, HOPE. So, finally I looked up the definition. I looked for the biblical references. I exhausted my googling resources on that word. Here is where God took me:
1) to desire with EXPECTATION of obtaiment
2) to expect with confidence; trust
1) archaic: trust, reliance
2) a desire accompanied by EXPECTATION of or belief in fulfillment; also expectation of fulfillment or success
My journaling that day, at that womens gathering, that has come back today, at a time where God is asking me to not just trust but to take it to a deeper level...to HOPE.
Can I be HOPEFUL knowing God has it? Knowing God is taking us there. Knowing the process is something to be enjoyed. The struggle is something to be embraced.
God, help me to see the HOPE in where you have us. Help me to see the HOPE in where you are taking us. Help me to have, feel, be HOPE in the present. Where there is uncertainty regularly. When it doesn't seem there is much to what we are doing. God help me to know even in the depths of my soul, you are preparing me for something great. You are leading me to a path heading to you.
God help me to see THAT as my HOPE and what I encounter along the way as preparation for that.
For Your future plans.
Jesus be my strength. Be there and show me how to come with expectation of your greatness. Come with an expectation as to what You desire to accomplish in the everyday.
And that is what I needed. That HOPE God put on my heart 2 months ago. That place of knowing God's REALLY asking me to trust...like more than just trust, but come to Him with an EXPECTATION of obtainment. Come to Him expectantly. Thank Him for what He WILL do...no matter what that will be.
Ahhh, these times of trust. These times of HOPE. Where would I be without them? Thank you Jesus for those places.
"Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."