Whatever You're Going Through...You ARE Wonder Woman

Warning: I am NOT an eloquent writer, I just have thoughts (and many times they end up in parenthesis...sorry) that hopefully encourage you (or maybe make you shake your head and say "who gave that women a computer and how does she have any idea how to create a blog"). OK, I got that out.

 

"Wow...you are wonder woman."

That is the line I hear the most frequently these days (when I make it out of my house). After having the twins (I also have a 5 and 3 year old) and my husband leaving to work out of town during the weekdays, I welcomed ANY and ALL of these comments I could get. It fueled my fire, made me feel like no one else could do this...made me feel like I was something else.

 

UNTIL...one day I heard it and wanted to bawl. I wanted to shake the person that said it and tell them "I DON 'T want to be wonder woman and you probably don't REALLY want to either". I wanted to switch places with the person (after I ran them over with the double stroller they just called a limo), because after all their life had to be easier in some way than mine. I didn't want to do it all, stay strong, feed another baby, take on all the discipline with my preschoolers, and try to feed myself (ok, who's kidding...I keep myself fed on stress foods).

Have you ever heard the line "God won't give you more than you can handle"? That line is NOT found anywhere associated with the Bible. There are some major flaws in that theology (#1: that God gives us bad stuff...we could go round and round on that all day; #2: He doesn't want us to experience just enough to make us comfortable and then stop). God wants us to come to Him. God wants us to fully depend on Him and rely on Him for all of our needs. 

I don't want to be Wonder Woman. I don't have to be Wonder Woman. I don't have to puff up when I hear people say "wow, better you than me" or "I certainly couldn't handle having my husband gone weekly". I don't want to rely on what I can handle or what is perceived of me to be able to handle.

I want to know that whatever I am going through, whether a blessing that's hard (these babies of mine ARE amazing blessings) or a trial that is unbearable, I can count on someone greater than me to help me. Someone greater than me to supply what I need. Someone greater than me who is present with me. Someone who is also hurting, struggling, and kneeling with me desiring to give me His help. 

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen."

 (Philippians 4:11-13, 19-20 ESV

My 3 and 4 (at the time) year old, meeting the twins.

The Journey

Whew...a breath: a couple minutes of "free time" after the children are down for the night, a glimpse of what God is teaching me, a reflection of my beautiful, blessed life. That is a breath to me.

 

It has been literally a long time since I have blogged. During that time I was thinking blogging was a waste of time, it was something I had to "keep up on", and that I wasn't a very articulate writer. I look back now and wish I had taken a few minutes here and there to log the happenings of my family, the emotional highs, the shocking surprises, the hard-depend-on-God lows, the days I have struggled to get through, the tears, the BLESSINGS in giggles and kisses...oh, what a special ride my life has taken. I hope to pour out God's wisdom on these pages, the depth of what He has shown me. I hope to be honest, not just for an audience, but so that I can look back to realize just what my amazing Savior has brought me through and where He has brought me to. I find the more I share my tears, struggles, fears, blessings, joys, trials, and the triumphs, the more I can encourage others down the path they are wlaking in life.

 

Wow, seriously, I cannot think back over the last 2-3 years of my life and not be blown away with where God has brought me and my "little" (more on this later) family. I pray the words on these pages will somehow encourage others. Will encourage me as I look back. Will encourage and lead my precious children.

 

I guess this is a welcoming back of sorts. A commitment to myself to show my family their "heritage".

 

 

Let My Life Be Lifted High

Spiritually I have been on somewhat of a roller coaster. I spent the first 5 years of marriage ministering to some AMAZING high school students, who are now, great friends and people who are going to change the world in many ways. It was honestly the highlight of my life so far.

As life was changing, so was the direction God was taking my husband and I. I resigned from my teaching position, quit leading Young Life, became a mom, and supported my husband in his adventure of a new company. However, through these changes and over the course of the past 4 years I haven't been able to shake the feeling that there is SO MUCH MORE that God calls me to. I know it, I read about it, I listen to great sermons about it, I pray about it, I spoke about it at a women's retreat, I have a deep desire for it...I just don't feel like I should be doing any of it right now.

It sounds easy, right, keep plugging away at being an inspiring mom, a supportive, loving wife, and a child of God looking for random ways to minister to those that come into my path. However, I just feel like there is so much more. I am trying to be content with where God has me (although I am always thinking about where He is going to take me). I am trying to be the best mother that I can be to my children (feeling like I fail most of the time). I desire to be the most supportive wife on the planet (definitely fail in that category). I feel like I am so open and willing to learn and get so much from each moment He teaches me, I just feel like I sit on the wisdom He gives me at this point in my life.

Patience. Contentment. Willingness. Faithfulness. Prolonged Passion.

I will continue to learn great truths, filing them away, waiting for the moments that God asks me to use them to change lives, speak truth, or adequately portray the wisdom He has given me. I know He has a purpose for what He does. I know He has a time in which He desires to show His glory. I know He has the perfect way to portray this through me. During this time, I desire to remain patient, content, willing, faithful, passionate, and open to what He has to teach me NOW.

Help me Lord to wait on YOU!!!

Making Progress Around Here

As I was walking through the isles of the grocery store today, I almost had to stop and do a little victory dance for myself. I quickly realized that I live in a small town and someone I know would be watching, so I decided to celebrate with you guys instead

*Insert victory dance here*

So, you might be wondering why exactly a victory dance was necessary. Well as I looked down at my shopping cart this afternoon, the progress I have made over the course of the last 6 months was overwhelming and I was so proud of how far I have come. Before having kids (and if I am going to be honest...even after) my grocery cart consisted of, well, anything fully processed and absolutely terrible for you. Mac n' Cheese, Top Ramen (for the hubs), cereal (and not the good kind, folks), chips, candy, you name it...it was in my cart. Me, my body, and my husband were doing just fine (or should I say we thought we were doing fine) with it and functioned pretty well; UNTIL the combination of pregnancy and hitting 30 were involved in the equation.

To some of you, it might be pretty disgusting that we would live that way, and to you, I admire the fact that you choose differently. It was/and still is a bit harder for me and my husband. I have analyzed and pondered over the "reasons why" for countless hours, but that's another post for another day (or maybe for a counseling session).

Anywhoo, I put my foot down (pretty lightly) in October and started working out 3-4 days a week for 30 minutes a day. I kept telling myself and others that I didn't want to "diet" because I wanted to make a lifestyle change. I think that was initially an excuse for me to continue to eat the same and hope that exercising minimally would do the trick. Well, month by month went by and I wasn't able to see much progress. I would evaluate myself at the end of each month and make changes to my eating and exercise habits. I started working out more, cutting out treats, eliminating colored drinks, and working out more (I know I already said that). I am now to the point of celebrating a couple different paths of progress!!!! By no means have I hit my goals or do I eat everything I should all the time. However, I am adamantly writing down everything I put into my body, working out 6-7 days a week for 60-90 minutes at a time, AND my grocery cart is full of fruits, veggies, flour, eggs, etc. I am passing up complete isles in the grocery store without a second thought (they would be the ice-cream isle and the snacks/chips isle). I am walking by the candy bars in the check out line thinking "yuk, I worked out so hard today and eating 2 of those things would cancel out everything I have accomplished". Seriously, friends, I almost started crying today at the grocery store when I realized the things I was thinking to myself, how much work I have been putting in, and the choices I have been making. This is a huge accomplishment for me and nothing celebrated it better than a victory dance.

I am soooo excited for where I have come and where my family and I are going. I feel better about myself (granted I have a LONG way to go) and my body feels better about itself (if that's possible). Yay for progress!!!!

Thanks for letting me celebrate!
*More victory dances here*

Teach Me Tuesday

So, in an attempt to actually follow through with my commitment to my 2011 goals, I am here to share a little of what I have been learning throughout the past few weeks. I am not eloquent in my writing by any means, but I pray that what God has put on my heart might just help you to dig a little deeper and see who He really is and who He desires you to become.

Isaiah 53:7-12 (emphasis on 11), ESV
"Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied; by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant, make many to be accounted righteous, and he shall bear their iniquities."

So, in reading for my BSF lesson, I came across this verse and had to stop, ponder, and shake my head in amazement. The words "see and be satisfied" are common words that I think many people use without a second thought. I put on a new outfit, I "see it" and am "satisfied with it". I do my hair, I "see it" and am "satisfied with it". We don't understand the depth of context here. We are a selfishly driven, extrinsically motivated society and we must see and be satisfied often. That is how our daily lives process what is going on. "Am I happy with the driver in front of me?" "Have I gotten my coffee this morning?". The word satisfied is used to describe things we want, things we come across that make us happy. When we are not happy, we are not "satisfied".

What was Isaiah describing here related with satisfaction? Jesus Christ being crucified, taking on all our sins, and offering up all He was for billions (no...an infinity...or a larger number than humans can count) of people to come. WOW. Not an ounce of selfishness there.

I was struck today by these four words "see and be satisfied". How can I incorporate these words into my daily life, minute by minute, in order to see what God has given me today and be satisfied. Not look out and question "what if I would have done something different with my first 5 years of marriage", "where would Dan and I be if we didn't start a company", "why does my life feel so monotonous", "why does God have me going through _____" or a million other questions I could be asking. Instead of measuring up my satisfaction for the day on whether or not I look good, wear the right clothing, did the right "things", chose to be with the right people, or whether I was productive; I desire to look back and be satisfied because I am following God's plan with what He has given me today. I don't want my "see and be satisfied" to come from the world's standards, but from the model of Jesus Christ, who was satisfied going through Crucifixion so that others would benefit.

Did I give up myself today, in every way possible, as honorably as I could, selflessly, with every ounce in me, to do what He has asked me to do? "See and be satisfied" today!!!!